Stop Making A Meal Out Of Your Pen

In a world that’s becoming more and more image-driven, certain actions are a no-no - showing up for a conference in slippers and pajamas, for example, or walking around with a wrinkled suit. These actions, while seemingly unrelated to your workload and your ability to perform, cast aspersions on your commitment to climb the corporate ladder. For example, getting a mohawk may not be an issue in most offices, but if you work in a bank or for a Fortune 500 firm, your do could be the talk of the town - perhaps the only talk of the town - for months, if not the entire year.

Show the powers-that-be just how serious you are about that promotion by getting rid of your strange habits. One odd mannerism that plagues corporate America is pen-chewing. For some reason, some employees - from the lowly temp to the second in command - have this odd compulsion to feast upon the top of pens; and it doesn’t even matter what type. They suck on their ballpen caps while deep in thought, and gnaw on these pens until they wear the plastic down.

What to do if you’re guilty of this writing implement abuse?

1. Rein in your emotions. As an oral fixation, pen-chewing is no different from thumbsucking. Infants suck their thumb for comfort; adults chew their pens out of anxiety. The next time you find yourself about to poke that Cross pen into your mouth, make a physical effort to put your pen down and focus on the actual problem - that project that’s a hundred thousand dollars over budget, for one, or the fact that you ordered passport holders instead of the money clip wallet your boss asked you to hand out as corporate giveaways. Once you address the issue, that pen will not seem so appealing anymore.

2. Get some sack action. Sigmund Freud considers thumbsucking a form of sexual expression and used it to study infant sexuality. While no similar study has been conducted on pens and the executives who make meals out of them, it wouldn’t hurt for you to get some bedroom action, too. At the very least, you could benefit from the physical activity.

3. Invest in Cross pen sets - the most expensive Cross pens you could bring yourself to buy. Their price alone would make you think twice before clamping your jaws on one. Then, too, Cross pens are so durable you would surely chip a tooth if you try to make a meal of them.

Remember, it’s a long hard climb to the top. No one wants to make a boss out of someone who regularly snacks on office supplies.