Bad Date Clues: Cigarette Cases, Zippos, And Tutus

Here’s the lowdown on men and dates. All men abhor being saddled with a bad date. Not every one, however, knows how to wriggle their way out of a bad date; and there are fewer still who can actually identify a bad date a mile and a phone call away. How do you become one of the lucky ones who can zero in on a bad date if not at the onset, then at least before it’s time to ask for the bill? By scrutinizing the woman you are dating, of course!

Here are the red flags to look for to dodge bad dates in the future.

1. She is wearing pink flannel sweats. This is inexcusable, even if she just left the gym. Nothing points to low self-esteem like pink sweat pants.

2. She is wearing a tutu. Unless she teaches ballet or is playing drag, no woman should ever walk around wearing a tutu.

3. She has on a pair of fuzzy slippers. Be very afraid. This could only mean one of two things: she is trying very hard to appear adorable, or she is so lazy she can’t be bothered to change out of her house clothes.

4. She sports more than one pair of earrings and a red mullet. Nothing, absolutely nothing, good could come out of this.

5. She casually lets it drop that she’s smuggling crack inside the leather wine carrier she has with her.

6. She is larger than you are — physically. In fact, her Adam’s apple dwarf yours.

7. She answers your questions with questions. You: Do you smoke? Her: What’s it to you? You: What are all those cigarette cases in the backseat for, then? Her: Are you sure you won’t regret asking?

8. She ends every conversation with a staring contest. Oh, and she also has the word “die” etched onto the knuckles of both hands.

9. The only time she can stop smoking is when she throws her Zippo open. She’s either terribly addicted to nicotine, or is planning something so criminal it makes her so nervous she cannot stop smoking.

10. She seethes each time you say “I” or “me.” She tries to disguise this by clenching her hands, gritting her teeth, or smiling extra brightly.

If you answered yes to at least one question, it’s time to head for the hills. As far as dates go, you are staring at the baddest of ‘em all.