I’m Clean; Are You?

Sex is a vital part of an adult relationship, but who says you literally have to die for it? Protect yourself and your partner by going over each other’s sexual history. This does not one fun conversation make, but it’s necessary. Here are three basic ways to go about it:

1. Be upfront about the topic. Do not discuss collectible mantel clocks with her, only to sneak in “Have you had yourself tested for STDs?” mid-talk. Leave the discussion of unique wall clocks to salesmen and grandmothers. Rather, ask her what kind of protection she is using or would rather use. This approach could swing two ways: she could take your lead and discuss contraception objectively, or she might be offended. If it’s the latter, look her in the eye and tell her as somberly as you can, “I don’t want to be irresponsible about this.” This tells her you’re careful about who you sleep with, and won’t jump into bed with just about anyone.

2. Show her your most recent screening result. An urbane chick would take this in stride, rib you over the fact that you came “prepared,” and perhaps even whip out her own record. Other girls might not react that way, however, so be ready to come up with your most somber game face and say, “I care about you. I made sure I’m clean.”

3. If you’re with a small-town girl, or a Southern belle, or an Asian fresh out of a connecting plane, you just might have to talk about world time clocks first. Chances are, she would cringe at blunt discussions of her sexual history. In fact, she might even throw you out for daring to think she’s been with so many men she could be carrying something. What to do in this case? Draw her out with questions about past loves.

A woman’s dating habits could be a good barometer of her sexual history. Ask her how long her past relationships lasted, how these ended, and whether or not she has cheated or had been cheated on. If your partner jumped from one relationship to another - five, in fact - in a span of two years, you could pretty much leap to conclusions, though. Just because your Vietnamese sweetheart has had only one relationship her whole life does not mean she poses a low risk. After all, all it takes is one time for an infection to be passed on and around. Then too, she might have been faithful, but was he?

Remember, nobody and no body is ever worth dying for. O might be way ahead of S in the alphabet, but when it comes to relationships, safety - not earth-shaking orgasm - should come first.